Cambodia, you confuse me

I was trying to figure out how to sum up my experiences over the past week, and I decided to copy and paste an email I sent to the folks the other day (with a few edits and some added notes):

Been a frustrating few days - plus I got rather sick - but I'm fine. Really glad I brought those antibiotics with me. All is well, and today was much better. The kids are having a BALL at the beach. (I had to leave and join the check-internet group because I was stung or bitten by something in the water and needed a pharmacy.) I have really fun video of them running and screaming into the ocean! And the guy with the snazzy camera is going to share his pictures, so there should be some great ones.

I've been "showering" out in the open, standing in the mud, in a sarong, using well water and a plastic bucket... for several days. And have been going to the bathroom in the woods amongst the trash and the mosquitoes and the fire ants... Last night we got to our new location and got to use a private bathroom with fresh water - it only had a squat "toilet" and had rusting metal "walls" and no floor, and you still had to dip water from a bucket to pour over your head, but my first thought was "hooray for a proper shower!!"  Guess it's all relative.  And showering in private is seriously underrated.

I've been sleeping in the back of the cattle truck, which is far less comfy than on the ground, but had a mosquito net and a bit of privacy, so I can't complain. Last night and tonight we (the other female volunteer and I) slept on a picnic table. Yesterday I was blessed by monks with holy water and flowers (and candy! They flick water at you, and toss flower buds... but this time they also threw mint chocolate candies. Awesome.) I've been to markets where you brush past pig heads as you walk by, and saw a girl sitting on a table, oblivious to the fact that her foot was in a pile of intestines. There are dried fish everywhere, and between that and the butcher section and the fermenting vegetables... well, let's just say it's rough on an empty stomach at 7am. There are tons of people, and you walk over gutters and gaps in the cement, some of which have boards laid over them, though there are still random holes, so you have to watch your step. Plus there's lot of stuff overhead - bags and electrical cords and food and light fixtures - all of which is hung at a height that allows people to both walk under it without hitting their heads, and be able to reach it without a ladder or stool. Sadly for me, I'm taller than most Cambodians, so I walked through the market hunched over to avoid hitting my head. And poor Dustin, one of the other volunteers, is tall even by western standards, so he was practically bent over at the waist trying to navigate the market maze.

We found out today that several of the kids have lice. The pharmacy doesn't have anything to help, so we're trying other places. I'll be doing a major shampooing myself after I leave, just to be safe.

The worst part has been the locals. I was really excited to go to a village where not many tourists go... I'm still glad that I did - it's been quite an experience (I've only told you about a few of the highlights) - but I was SO ready to leave the last town. People aren't used to seeing white people, so everywhere you go, they stare at you. During the evening dance performances, we literally had groups of people circle around us and just gawk. Funny for awhile, but it gets old. I've been slapped and pushed by people who just wanted to see the reaction, and people "accidentally" touch your hand or brush against you as they pass... They point and laugh and gawk... some of them smile and are just curious, but overwhelmingly, I thought people were incredibly rude.  The final straw for me was on our last full day in the town - I was feeling lousy, and was debating whether I was bad enough that I should try to see a doctor, and decided to break from the crowd of kids for a bit... I went to sit at a local "restaurant" with some tea, and got up to use the bathroom. There were basically two stalls, and at one point I looked up to see that the guy in the next stall had climbed up on the water bin to watch me go to the bathroom. I was furious. Couldn't wait to get out of that place. Thankfully, the town where we are now seems to have nicer people. They still stare, but that's it so far. 

Cambodia in general places far lower value on women than men. Women serve their husbands, and husbands' friends, and always eat last. They are submissive, and often are beaten if their husband feels it's what should happen. There are people who understand that it's not how it should be, but they seem to be the minority. If a woman is beaten and goes to the police, she'll (at best) be ignored. It's really horrible to see... so many people walking around with battered and bruised faces and no one pays any attention. 

There is more trash on the ground than you can believe. It's everywhere. In some places, you can barely see the ground through the trash. (The other day, I saw a monk squatting in a field full of trash, with his bright orange robe stretched to make a privacy tent for him while he went to the bathroom. Would have been an interesting photo.) The people who try not to leave trash everywhere will pull it into a pile and burn it - plastic and all. The smell is overwhelming. Though it's sometimes masked by the smell of raw sewage.  Cambodia is not an easy place to be!

A couple of days, while the kids were out fundraising, I sat on a tarp with the women and helped prepare the food. It's no small feat, preparing three meals a day for 80 people! Between making sure the kids are clean, fed, dressed (for the day and for the shows), rehearsed, etc., these ladies work non-stop.

[Added this morning]:
I left the kiddos last night; it was hard to say good-bye - even harder than I thought. It ended on a great note, though - right as they were leaving the beach, so everyone was smiling and happy.  I would admit to lots of tears as I was saying goodbye, but I don't cry, so I won't. :)  I did promise to come back to visit... all these cuties looking at me with sad faces, looking hesitant, asking, "See you again?" And one boy said quietly, "You go; I am unhappy." How's a girl supposed to say no to that?

So, now I have committed to coming back to a country about which I have seriously mixed feelings, to see kids for whom I have nothing but love and admiration. I will head out in a few minutes for Phnom Penh, and I hope to spend the four hour bus ride sifting through my thoughts and processing the past few weeks.

[Added in Phnom Penh]:
The four hour bus ride was exactly like everything else in Cambodia has been for me: not what I expected.  About halfway into the trip, our bus broke down. Twice. The first time, they were able to get it started again, but ten minutes later, it went kaput.  Everyone got off the bus and beelined for the shady spot in what was essentially someone's front yard.  After a few minutes, we were told to collect our bags. No idea what they were planning (this was the 4,583rd time I've wished I spoke Khmer in the past few weeks), but when a van taxi stopped to pick up passengers, I negotiated for a seat. Little did I know what I was in for... Every time we passed a village or town, or cluster of houses, the driver tapped the horn twenty or thirty times to see if anyone was looking for a ride. Several times, we picked up passengers, until we had TWENTY-TWO people in a van built for eleven. I ended up sitting on the gap between two seats - there was a four or five inch gap, so I had half a cheek on either seat for about two hours. And don't even get me started on how the two seats weren't the same height. Good grief. My leg was asleep about ten minutes into the drive. Non-stop adventure, I tell you. :)  Eight hours after the start of my "four-hour" bus trip, I'm now safe and sound in Phnom Penh, and I decided to make a pit-stop for coffee and to look up where I am and where I'll stay tonight.  Tomorrow, I'll hire a driver to take me to the killing fields and Tuol Sleng before heading off to the airport. Should be a sobering and heart-wrenching finale to my time in Cambodia.  Then I'll head back to Thailand - Chiang Mai, via Bangkok - and hope that the protests don't get worse in the next week. Several people died in the protests in Bangkok the other day, and I can't imagine that did anything to calm the fury. I've really been looking forward to the light-hearted, cheerful celebration that is Songkran, and I'm crossing my fingers that political strife won't turn it violent.